


They don't need me...

by Firesky_coffee_2



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Blood, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, Multi, Pack Cuddles, Pain, Protective GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Sad, Sad Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:21:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29488221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firesky_coffee_2/pseuds/Firesky_coffee_2
Summary: Dream is alone during quarantine. He starts thinking a lot, but not the good thoughts. He thinks he is alone and his boyfriends dont need him. Is that so?(kinda a vent fic)
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 310





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW! Please read the tags

It could be so easy... 

Just one cut... 

Then the pain would end... 

Dream was sitting on the ground, leaning against the bathroom wall. It was night, the moon shining through the window. Tears streamed down his face and he looked at his arms. Hundreds of cuts covered his wrist and forearm, old such as new ones. The small blade still in his hand. Blood dropped on the floor and slowly formed a puddle. 

I am not good enough... 

George and Sapnap deserve someone better than me... 

I am pathetic... 

When had it come this far? When did he started to lose himself? Questions Dream asked himself over and over again. George, Sapnap and Dream confessed their feelings for each other at the beginning of 2020. Soon after the Confession Dream had 2 beautiful boyfriends. He loves them, he truly does. He was scared at first because it wasn’t normal to have 2 boyfriends that live so far away but all worries disappeared after a while. Sometimes they spoke or slept on phone calls together, sometimes they just enjoyed the silence. The planned to meet in August in Florida. The tickets were booked and the 3 were excited to finally meet after they came together. But the world had other plans. A virus, called Covid-19 or Corona, spread and slowly everything was locked down. No more visits, no more free time activities and...no more travelling. All flights were cancelled. The trio was shocked and sad. They had planned this meet up for so long just to get it destroyed by a stupid virus. At first, they had hope because they thought the lockdown wouldn’t be so long but from month to month it only became worse. Now it is already 2021 and nothing has changed. Dream hasn’t seen anyone in months, he only had Patches. Nobody was able to come and visit him, so he spent the whole quarantine alone. During quarantine he spent a lot of time thinking. 

What if his boyfriends didn’t like him anymore? 

What if they just asked him to be part of their relationship to not destroy their friendship? 

He felt like a burden. Sleep he got like 4 hours per week and eating was really hard. After a while he started hurting himself. Why? Because it brought him release and made him feel alive. Made him feel real. He stopped speedrunning because he got accused of cheating. Normally he wouldn’t waste a single moment on thinking about what his haters say but now. Now he had enough. He couldn’t stop thinking about accusations and the donations from his haters, so he stopped streaming. Slowly his friends started to get worried, but they needed to. His thoughts told him that they only worry because they need to as his boyfriends. 

They don’t really care. 

They don’t need me... 

They don’t want me... 

But that wasn’t the only thing that bothered him. A couple of weeks ago when he went to the shopping center and he accidently dropped his phone. The girl behind him picked it up and gave it him back. And like a normal person he said sorry. But the girl behind him turned out to be one of his fans. She was excited and tried to take a picture with him. Soon more people followed and so Dream grabbed his things and ran home. As he reached his home, he locked the door behind him and leaned against it. He nearly did an unwanted face reveal because he wasn’t careful. On the next day Twitter was full of pictures and videos of him in the supermarket. His real fans were angry because they knew Dream didn’t wanted to show his face, not yet. Luckily nobody was able to take a picture of him where they could see his face. The same day he was in a call with sapnap and George, but without facecam. They seemed really worried and asked him often if he was ok. He just agreed, didn’t wanted to let them worry more than they needed to. Because he was clearly not ok. He had lost much weight, hadn’t slept for a whole week and his arms and tight are covered in cuts and scars. He was a mess. 

Disgusting... 

Ugly... 

How could they even like you... 

You don’t matter... 

They would be better without you... 

These thoughts stayed in his head all the time. Sometimes he asked himself if they are right or just try to break him apart but then he got pulled back into reality and the thoughts seemed real again. George and Sapnap had more often calls without him. Perhaps they thought dream wouldn’t notice, but he did. He spent less time on his laptop and more in his room, alone with his thoughts. The thoughts that told him to finally end it, to let them live their lives. That they don’t need him. That the end of all the pain is only one step away. 

Pathetic.... 

Useless.... 

Weak... 

Unwanted... 

Yesterday, very early in the morning, he wanted to talk with his boyfriends. He spent a long time thinking but finally decided to let them know. As soon as he entered the call, he knew something was up. 

“Hey guys, I-I would like to talk to you abo-” he was cut off by Sapnap. 

“Sorry Dream. George and I have to go. We have something important to do.” 

And with these words they had left the call. Dream was … he didn’t even know how to describe it. Sad? Disappointed in himself? Tired? Scared? He kinda knew that this was going to happen one day. They had enough of him. They didn’t want to spent time with him or even listen to him. They had better things to do, and Dream understood that. 

You knew this was going to happen, but you are still surprised... 

Stupid... 

Weak... 

You don’t deserve them... 

Later that night he made a decision. He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted to end it... 

And now he is here. In his bathroom, sitting on the ground and a knife in his hands. This wasn’t his first time, but this time was different. This time he was going to do it. On the table in his room are 3 letters. 1 to his family, 1 to his friends and one to his boyfriends. He also gave Patches a bowl full of food and fresh water. It wouldn’t take long until someone notices that he is gone, and Patches would find a new and better home. Fresh cuts covered his arms and tights. He already lost a lot of blood but to end it he needed to do 1 special cut. The final cut. This was it. He leaned back and placed the blade on his wrist. The memories of all the funny and good moments in his life ran through his head. Surely, he was going to miss his friends, his family and his fans but they will learn to live without him. Even though it is a quote from a roleplay he thinks it fits pretty good right now. 

It was never meant to be... 

He closed his eyes and smiled as he started to cut. 

Then there was a knock on his front door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Help arrives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who is back :). I know it took a bit longer than i wanted to put i couldn´t find the motivation to continue, i am sorry. I decided i will do a third chapter with much fluff but now, enjoy part 2

Dream stopped, blade still on his arm. His wrist was bleeding, but he hadn't hit his artery yet. Did he imagined that someone knocked on his door in the middle of the night or was there really somebody? He waited a couple of seconds and again. Somebody knocked on his door. 

“Dream? Are you awake?” a familiar voice asked. 

Dream was in shock. Can it be? No, it can't. He wouldn’t have come all the way to Florida just for him. For Dream. Right? He placed the blade on the ground and got up trembling. Slowly he made his way to the door. Even though he didn’t hit his artery he lost a lot of blood. 

The person knocked again. “Clay?” 

“Sapnap...”, he whispered and placed one hand on the door. 

“Omg Dream. Hey! I thought you might be asleep and was about to walk to a hotel. I am happy that you are awake.” 

It was really Sapnap, his boyfriend. He drove all the way to California to be with him. He couldn’t believe it. He doesn’t want to believe it. At first, he wanted to open the door, jump into his boyfriends arms and kiss him. He wanted to feel loved. He wanted to feel safe. But then he remembered what he was about to do. The wet feeling on his arms reminded him of what he had tried to do minutes ago. 

Sapnaps voice pulled him out of his thoughts, “Hey, can I come in? I know this is all a bit surprising, but it was a long drive.” 

No... 

He couldn’t let Sapnap in, he needed to send him away. His boyfriend shouldn’t see him like this...this weak. 

“Nick, you need to leave...”, his voice shaking, tears rolled down his face. 

It wasn’t like he doesn’t love Sapnap, he loves him so much. That’s why he doesn’t want his boyfriend to see him like this. He doesn’t deserve him. He doesn’t deserve them. George and Sapnap would be better without him. 

“Babe? Is everything ok? I am not going anywhere before you don’t explain me what is going on.”, Sapnap answered worried. 

“I-I can't...” 

Dream couldn’t tell him. He would hate him if he does. 

“Babe, please. Please talk with me and tell me what's wrong.” 

At this time Dream couldn’t hold himself back anymore so he let it all out. 

“I am done ok!I can't anymore! I am broken! I am weak! I am pathetic! I am useless! I am worthless! Nobody would care if I would just disappear! That and much more tell me my thoughts every day now and that already for years! And it only got worse since this stupid lockdown started! The voices got louder and louder until it was like they screamed at me. They told me I don’t deserve my family, any of my followers or my boyfriends... They say I am not allowed to be loved. That I am not worth it. Someone weak like me is not allowed to be loved by such wonderful and awesome human beings like you and George! And after a while I started to believe them. I started to hate myself. I haven't eaten in a while and I barely get any sleep. The voices let me think everybody is annoyed by me and doesn’t want me in their live...” 

He looked at his wrists and thought about what he wanted to do. Minutes ago, he really wanted to do it but now. Now there was just regret. 

“...i wanted to end it...and now you are here and I can't do it anymore. I can't open the door because I can't let you see me like this. I am disgusting. You deserve someone better than me, you both does.” 

It was silent, nobody talked. After a couple of minutes, what felt like an eternity for Dream, he started talking again. 

“It's ok if you hate me now and never want to see me again. I can understand tha-” 

“Dream stop, I don’t hate you, I never will. I... God, I wished would have come earlier to be there for you. Why didn’t you say anything? Dream, I am so sorry, I- we shouldn’t have let it come this far. I am so sorry. Can you please open the door, please.“ 

Frozen in shock, he was standing in front of his door. His boyfriend reacted completely different from what he expected, from what his voices told him he would react. As soon as he opened the door he broke down onto the ground. Within seconds Sapnap was at his side and held him close to his chest. He rubbed his back and whispered sweet nothings into Dream's ear. 

“I a-am sorry, I didn’t mean to. I-I am so sorry sap.” He sobbed into his lover's chest. 

“It's ok baby, everything will be ok. I am here and I am not going to leave you.” 

Minutes, maybe hours they sat together on the ground, hugging each other until Dream calmed down a bit. The voices were quiet, and he finally felt safe. Carefully Spanap took dreams wrists and looked at his arms. He hissed as he saw all the cuts. 

“Dream, do you want to go to the hospital, or should I bandage your arms?” 

“C-can you do it? I don’t want to go to the hospital.”, he whispered. 

Sapnap nodded, walked into the bathroom and came back with a first aid kit, a wet and a dry towel. With the wet towel he cleaned the blood from Dreams arms and with the other one he dried them. After that Sapnap took the bandages and got to work. The cut on Dreams arm wasn’t too deep and doesn’t needed to be stitched. As he finished bandaging his lovers arms, he picked him up and carried him to his bedroom. He noticed that Dreams was lighter than he should be. Sapnap put him down and covered him with a blanket. 

Dream was more tired than he wanted to admit. When he noticed that Sapnap wanted to leave the room, he grabbed his hand. 

“Please don’t leave.” 

“I am not going to leave baby, I am just going to clean the bathroom, ok? I will come back as fast as possible.” 

The blond-haired man nodded and made himself comfortable in his bed. Sapnap walked to the bathroom, cleaned the blood from the ground, picked up the blade and threw it away. As soon as he was finished, he walked back to the front door and grabbed his bags, he had dropped to help his Boyfriend. He placed them on the floor in the living room and took out his phone. 2 a.m. George will be here soon, then they will be finally united. He made his way back to his sleeping boyfriend and lay down next to him. Dream turned around and snuggled close to Sapnaps chest. He smiled and kissed his boyfriends forehead as he slowly fell asleep. Sapnap knew one thing, he is not going to leave Dream. 

Never again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like the chapter, i am sorry if there are some mistakes. Thank you for all your support, thank you so much


End file.
